Missions and Happieness

  i m   j u s t   a   g i r l   i n   a   b i g   b i g   w o r l d

In the beginning of my blog posts, I started to talk about how I wanted to have a career, but I also wanted to have a couple little side gigs in which helped those in poverty, disability, or sickness. After all of these blogs I have written, I am starting to get to the point where I am taking them seriously, and once the semester is over and I have a bit more free time, I plan on sketching and mapping out how to make these little projects work. 

Though now I am in school for education and am highly open to human services, I want to do something now. Sometimes I get the impulse to just hop on to a train, go into an urban neighborhood, and just start somehow handing out clothes, money, food, or even just my time. The problem is, I dont't have enough money. I know that I don't need money to make a difference, a simple conversation with somebody that is lonely could make a huge difference. 

Still, I start to feel as if I show up with only myself I will have nothing to offer. I want to approach homeless people, look at what they need. If they need sneakers, I will buy them a pair of sneakers, if they need blankets I will buy those. I have a notebook that is really helpful for me to get my ideas together as well as a book where people like me have told their stories about how they have helped people along the way. I want to read more. I want to get out there more. I don't want to just be going from work to my room everyday doing the same old routine. I want to be heard, seen, and make a difference. Now, I know all of this sounds corny. I could not explain why, I am completely ignorant to why this is, but for some reason I have a deep burning desire to help others. I want to see that kid with holes in their sneakers show me a big smile while they're laughing. I want to hand a struggling mother a 50$ gift card to a super-market. 

s t r e n g t h + c o u r a g e 

I want to help others. I have often been told by people that they "get a good vibe from me" or that "I am really nice". I believe them, when people have generally rude attitudes I can not comprehend why they would want to treat other people that way? I mean, I get that some people are old, disabled, feel badly about themselves or just have bad experiences that turn them cold and bitter. I haven't thought of it until writing it now, but maybe there is someway I could help those people find their balance and what makes them truly happy. 

When it comes to my talents, my major talents are art and fashion. I have a lot of street smarts. Not to brag, but a lot of the time when I am with my friends, say out in Boston or somewhere were we need to navigate, I am always the one leading the way, finding the maps, checking the bus or boat schedules. Reading the confusing maps to make sure we are on the right side of the train track and often correcting people. I am not to say that I am the most book smart person. I only found out this year that Washington DC was not in Maryland, it was its own place called "The District of Columbia" I was like.. Huh? I desire so badly to be more book smart, I love learning things. Today while I was driving, I thought to myself I wonder when people first started using last names, I'm guessing sometime very shortly after bible times, the reason why they would to it is obvious to most, though. Anyways, my true talents lie in art and in fashion, which I would love to go to school for, but am afraid I wont be able to make it each month without having to ask my mom, or even worse, a friend to lend money for living expenses. They say that its always good to go with what your best at, instead of what you think will pay the bills. Who knows, maybe some day I could be a popular or at least profitable fashion                                                                           company. I think I would be so good at that. 

 see the light inside of you 

It was strange, like Santiago I had a dream, in the dream I was in this place in Harvard Square. It was secret and it was under-ground. Something about the dream felt unusual, so I google mapped it. I saw that it was space open for rent, it looked like a really awesome spot to start a boutique. I know I would be so good at that, I know what people like, I know what different sizes of different people look for when they go into a store. But, I am in school for education basically because I don't want to be asking my parents for money when I am 45 years old. I get anxiety already about not making bills, at least in education I know I could afford to eat and have a place. I've been thinking a lot, though, about the whole "do what you're best at and all will prevail" thing. I've also been questioning my interest in education because as much as I love putting a smile on a childs face, I find myself being stressed out all of the time at work. My doctor was telling me of people who thought they were depressed, when in reality, it was just the environment they were in. Which I totally understand.. the whole rainy Washington vs sunny Florida thing, but I had never thought of it in a workplace setting. 

I think that what I should be doing, maybe with my extra time over the summer, is shadowing different jobs, seeing where I feel like I fit it. Seeing where I feel like I'd like to stay longer than I am even supposed to. Though, in America, a lot of people really do not like their jobs, they just do it because they feel obligated. I will never be one of those people. I truly believe that God or whatever is out there put us here to enjoy our time here and accomplish things. We all have meaning. We may not always know what the true meaning is, but it is there--which is called faith. All I know, is that God or the universe is going to help me help people as long as I help myself do it. I have such a strong feeling about it that I am certain. I have this fantasy of myself dancing with a bunch of children living in poverty at night with music (maybe even live African instruments) and a bunch of beautiful lights everywhere, just feeling the energy and knowing everything will be okay.

After reading the Alchemist I thought about how Santiago left Fatima to fulfill his personal legend. When I was in a relationship, I was scared to go on a mission trip. I think reading the Alchemist really may have changed me in a lot of ways. I think reading the alchemist has caused me to become more spontaneous. My fear about going to Africa is like thinking about the fact that I am an enormous amount of ocean away from home. I also hate airplanes, instant anxiety. But, something tells me that Africa would be sunny, flowery, and have birds chirping. My father is from Ghana and he is there right now, he travels there quite frequently, and wants me to come someday. I am afraid of flying, but after reading the Alchemist, I am down for the journey, you just gotta get up and do it! If I sit around my whole life thinking "Id like to do this or that" I'll miss out on so many experiences and opportunities. I could kind of picture myself being a teacher in Africa, having my own classroom in a small house shaped like building. Who knows!

When I am gone, I want to be remembered as a confident, passionate spirit who was never afraid of death and handled bad news with as much strength and faith as possible. I want to have accomplished when I die a lot of the projects that I have thought up and aspired to do. It would be very upsetting to me if I were to die and not accomplish any of those. I want people to remember be as a caring person who helped others including friends, family, and strangers. When people think of me, I want them to remember my jokes, my humor, and that I would have wanted them to keep a sense of humor no matter what is going on in their lives. I want people to remember my positivity and faith. I am the type of person who believes that life was given as a gift for us to enjoy. 

When I see people getting stressed out over little things it bothers me because I realize that in the end, when we are dead and gone, it is not worth it to throw a temper tantrum because somebody made your coffee the wrong way. I want people to relax, breathe, stop, take a second. I want people to just stop, take a second to appreciate all that we are surrounded by especially our family members. You know, at family gatherings sometimes it can be awkward and everyone can not wait to leave. I want people to try and make the most out of the souls in which they are sharing time with, instead of sitting on their iphones wanting to leave and get back to their normal lives. I find it quite important to cherish the small things. We may not have big houses, nice cars... but does any body just stop and think "You know what: I am thankful for my phone. I am thankful for my socks". There is so much around us to be thankful for, but people miss that because they're rushing around going to work or worrying about petty things. I am not trying to say that it is okay to show up late to a job everyday because in the end we will all die. I do believe in responsibility and versions of our best selves, but we also need to recognize and be grateful for all of the beauty we are surrounded by

 Little by little, situation by situation, I started shedding off people who weren't good for me. I started to actually enjoy the idea of my bed and a book. When I did this, I started to realize how much time I was wasting, especially when push came to shove and most of those people proved not to even be genuine friends, they were around when there was something in it for them. I want to start finding new friends who are friendly and reliable, especially girl friends. There is so much awkwardness left out of girl friendships. 

Another thing I've always wanted to do was model. I mean, what girl doesn't like getting dressed up? People say that I am too old for it now, but looking in the mirror I can see that I have that long tall skinny look that all other "fashion models" have. That would also be a dream come true, to be a model, and then have my own clothing line, and then my own charity! Wow! That sounds so perfect I almost want to go ahead and aim for that one. It includes everything that I want in life: fashion, dressing up, charities, art, and a better chance at having a voice to influence others. Writing that now, I think that would be my ultimate dream. Who knows, maybe I could be a model slash comedian. I do love comedy as well. 

Well it seems like I have so many ideas. Some ideas are ones that would take more work and networking than others, and others are small projects that could easily be done around the city I live in. I want to use this space to organize large and small projects. Large projects: Open Orphanage, Manage volunteer health workers and a newly built hospital, have events (dinners at fancy places with a lot of rich people) as fund raises. Build at least 20 clean water wells, create some sort of food system for those who are so hungry that they are skin and bones, help drug addicts (hand out cards for clinics)

Small projects: create speeches - one for parents of urban neighborhoods  do on how they should be interacting with children at home, and one for high school students. I want high school students to stop worrying so much about their images. I want to create videos that are really good and not like the old school videos that everyone just makes fun of. I want to go to urban cities and create meetings for abused women. I want to volunteer at a kitchen for homeless people. 

 d o  s m a l l   t h i n g s   w i t h   g r e a t   l o v e 

I have so many different ideas of what I want to do, but I don't want to overwhelm myself so that none of them get done. My counselor gave me some good advice, which was that I should make a list of two mandatory things that I need to do every day. Then, over time, I will have gotten things done instead of getting anxiety about the massive load and not getting anything done. I think that I will do is either choose one big project or two small projects a week, and take it from there. Over this summer, I hope to influence many people and take advantage of some extra time. 

epitaph

Sena was a dear daughter and friend

To help others, she would go to no end

In the middle of the night or just during the  day

To save another, she would go out of her way

She loved sweets, and she was sweet too

She would make you laugh when you were feeling blue

Sena made many creations art, stories, and songs

Looking towards the spring even during winters long

Giving children attention, although she was frazzled

She gave them her time, and she did not feel hassled

No matter the season, she always pushed through

She believed in the future, and paid attention to clues

She spoke of spirituality, the power of our souls

She valued her dreams, and saw them unfold

Feeling as if her legacy was to bring joy to others

She won’t be forgotten, like Sena, you won’t find another

I fought the fight

To love my job 

The reason why I feel so much gratitude toward my job is because I have had jobs in which I knew were unfulfilling, I wouldn’t know the good without the bad. I work at an Elementary school, assisting a classroom during the morning and working as a group leader in the after school program. I love it because I know that the kids look up to me, and they enjoy my attention- and I happily give it to them with great effort and kindness. I feel as though I am giving them the attention they want while displaying that “cool” people should be kind, polite, and care for others. 

All of the previous jobs I have had, I felt like I was just running in circles around town, waitressing, working at places like Abercrombie and Fitch, I just felt like a robot. Not that there is anything wrong with having those jobs, there is a point I’d like to make: which is that different people are a better fir for different things. Maybe somebody works at a job that others would scorn, but it works for that person. So, that is where they belong; where it works and is a good fit for them regardless of what it is.

 I am a passionate person; I needed more gratification at a place in which I spent SO much of my time. I needed to know I was displaying love and care to other human beings in this world. I started off with volunteering at a homeless shelter and volunteering with women with special needs and autism. I started to realize how good it felt to put a smile on someones face, the warm amazing feeling after climbing into my car and driving away after it was over. Not only that, but all of the small wonderful moments you share with others because you were there.

d o   n o t   g i v e   u p   ;   
g r e a t   t h i n g s   t a k e   t i m e 

At the homeless shelter, I remember a little girl telling me that girls were calling her ugly. She was not ugly, she was about 6 years old. Also, I do not even believe in people being “ugly”, people are unique—it’s what makes us who we are. Anyways, I told the little girl that she was one of the prettiest girls I have seen in my entire life and that they were just saying that because they were jealous, bored, and mean (she said that her mom told her the same thing). She seemed to be on the same page with me. Then, I looked at her, very close-- face to face, and I said “Pinky promise me that the next time somebody says anything mean to you, that you will remember it is because THEY are rude which is an ugly thing to be. And promise me you’ll remember how beautiful I told you you are? I never, ever lie!” and as we slided our pinkies together, it made me realize, wow… I want to do this every day. I thought to myself “I need to get into a job where I am given the opportunity to give back”.

I think that no matter what your job is, if you ask for it in your mind, you will be given opportunities to turn somebodies frown upside down. Even if you are a waitress, you can compliment a person who clearly made effort into their hair and make-up. You can try to pay attention to a senior who is eating alone (something that makes all of us want to cry). I find gratitude in my job because of my co-workers being wonderful understanding people, my freedom to be with the children sharing special moments

t h e r e  i s  a  c a l m n e s s  t o   a   l i f e  

 l i v e d   i n   g r a t i t u d e ,   a   q u i e t   j o y .

                                                                                          - Ralph H. Blum

You wanna change the world?

I gotchu dawg, I gotta  sprint,

Aint got time to jog

Ima get this dream on track

We’ll show em all

That we stand up, each time we fall

Food, water, health for those who need

No time to waste, we jus gotta feed

These kids out here, going through trash

Im out to find em, I wont have that

Five year old kids in the burbs wit a iphone

But when it comes to charity

They say they money blown

What are we doin?

Why aint it poverty we pursuin’?

We gotta open peoples eyes to these poor kids out here

While we on our phones, they all up in fear

Of how they gon get they next meal

 man that aint right

But if we gonna do this

We gon put up a fight

Have faith in what will be

My plan A story consists of some planning and some open-mindedness about where I may end up. Like Dean Thomas explains in his article, life can have unplanned yet pleasant outcomes. I know that I want to help people, so I am in an education program. I may end up doing human services. I want to be a teacher, but maybe someday I realize that I can better a school by becoming a principal, that would be so cool! As for now my plan goes as:

I work as much as possible, and save as much money as possible while I get a degree. Though I am working full time, it is still impossible to save money because of rent, bills, and all of the other surprises life throws at you, but, I hope to have some sort of savings account that is not a laughable amount by the time I get my degree. Anyways,o I will try really hard to get my associates degree, and then hopefully get a little more pay so I can get an apartment for myself instead of living basically in a boarding house with random people. I'd love to have my own space. Since I am not sure of what I want my good ole American "9-5" to be just yet, I am in an education program hoping to work in an urban neighborhood as a teacher, being there for kids who need extra support. My plan is to get experience while I am in school, explore the world, see what kind of things I am good at and make me happy to lure and help me create my career.

The most worthwhile thing is to try

 to put h a p p i n e s s  in the lives of others

Robert BaddenPowell

Once I get my masters, I don't really want to talk about yearly salary because all I really am aiming for is to live comfortably. I just want the capability to afford my own apartment, put food on the table, afford outings, afford a car, and so on. I am hoping that somewhere along this way I will meet the man who I will spend the rest of my life with, I don't mind when, it would be nice if it were soon-- but I will leave that up to the Universe to decide when the timing is best (well, hopefully there even is a somebody!). I am not sure if I want kids, I used to want kids really badly. When I started working at a daycare I told myself I would never have kids... I suppose I will find out someday. For work, I aim to work at some sort of job where I help others. I also plan to, at least a few times a year, travel to countries in poverty and volunteer. I will also have some sort of local things that I do--speaking at a high school, opening a meeting for abused women, affordable childcare for those in need. I hope to thrive in little projects on the side as well as a steady income. As of now, that is my plan. I am so open-minded though, I find myself thinking "Maybe I should just work at Market Basket for a year and then go buy some tiny shack on a very underpopulated island and get some job there...live in paradise each day. But nah, I help can I bring doing that?. Anyways, so the plan as of now is college->livable job->get married->projects that help people-> build a home->rest of life. Wow.. reading that, sounds all way too familiar!

So, once I finally get my masters and land a job as a school counselor at an urban school instead of becoming a teacher, I have my project of designing and making clothes  then auctioning them off for money to help poor people. During one of the auctions somebody takes a video on their iPhone of me giving a moving speech about our true capabilities to help others. The video gets uploaded and shared around social media. Then, five days later, I get a call from one of Oprahs workers, they tell me that she saw my video and would like me to come on the show to talk about bullying. I freak out, and I of course say yes. I have an on screen conversation with Oprah and make people laugh due to my humor charm (lol) and then, I share on screen my dream of being able to help with Saturday Night Live skits...

A couple weeks after I am on the Opera show and return to my normal life, I get a call from Saturday Night Live. I become one of the people that get to write skits for Saturday Night Live. People realize that I am hilarious, they love my work, everyone finds the skits hilarious. While doing this job, I get into acting for big hollywood films and become a huge actress that I accumulate enough money to start multiple charities and events, all sorts of different things that help people in poverty. I act in enough film to save up tons of money and have time for my family (not always traveling and never being home). Since I am now seen by many more faces, I speak up and get many others to contribute, to the point where there is a disgustingly large amount of money just waiting to be spent on people in poverty/sickness.

My house is an attractive looking one the color, unique, clean cut, maybe big but definatley not unnecessarily too big (I would never want a bowling alley, or movie theater.. it would ruin the fun of actually leaving the house to do those things), it would be the color Lilac and have lots of pretty greenery. The inside of the house is southern style, warm, loving and inviting. The car I drive is a small cute BMW.  My husband also has a passion for helping others, is funnier than me, never too serious, and loves me genuinely and cares for my happiness. When it comes to having kids, if or and not having some of my own, I adopt a few children out of poverty. 

The funds are so successful that I have built multiple Orphanages with the most genuinely caring staff --no teachers standing around yelling at kids just for a paycheck. These orphanages would give the best care to the children and they would give transportation to local public schools. I also travel countries with poverty and build hospitals, so that I could take away the pain from those physically suffering in the world. I would constantly be doing events where I would be speaking about how people could contribute to helping the world. I would create a charity in which donated food would be flown to other countries and handed out as well as water wells built so that people didn't have to suffer from lack of water. I would speak out, other people would get on board with me, and we would accumulate enough money to make it happen.

As a full time job, I would have an office in one of the orphanages so that I could spend time with the children, I would work in my office managing all of these charities and establishments. Maybe working at home would be nice sometimes, but I would want to spend as much time as possible going out, talking to groups of people, changing thoughts and changing lives. I would travel to a country in poverty and make relationships with the people there, giving them hugs, support, sharing laughs, give them food, and I don't care if they recognize me as a famous person or not, I just want to spend time with them and watch a starving person enjoy a plate of food. I want to see a child who is suffering in pain from an illness be cured and go home happy and feeling good in just days. I would spend my work week organizing and planning how to help people. Maybe a few times a year I would go on an enjoyable vacation. I would enjoy the vacation so much more knowing about all of those people who are now in a better place.

I also have multiple side projects that I constantly spend my free time with. Ive always thought id be cool write and direct videos which would be mass produced and shown in school. This video would be so strong that it would fight against gang violence, bullying/self acceptance, and drug use-- these videos would be shown to high school kids and the videos would not be corny or made fun of, they would be well produced, using images and people in reality--trying to connect with the teens rather than make it sound like lecturing. Other projects would consist of maintaining the finances and managing the circumstances of each hospital, orphanage, or other establishment which I and the help of others are supporting.

Once there is a war on Poverty
humans on earth will finally function properly
Lets get our money together
Lets force this to happen

surrender to what is

    let go of what was

       have faith in what will be

My life was so fun, but it wasn't right,

so I made the change, for a future so bright.

But why, Grace, did I loose all your light?

Why, Grace? I used my foresight!

When I used to be bad, all my grades were good

I had all my money, and all that I could.

I thought life would get better, am I misunderstood?

Now that I do right, many said that you would.

Bless me for being strong, and making myself behave,

why do you punish me, for fighting each crave?

Grace, where is the road you promised to pave?

Now things are so bad, I'd crawl under a cave 

Grace, what everlasting faith I have in you, yes I will wait

I refuse to give up, I refuse to debate 
I have seen all your ways, the joy you create

The road is windy now, but I trust you with my fate

"Gratitude is a beautiful thing and a tool"

Taking my job for granted..

I am the type of person who thinks a lot. I analyze things, make observations and then I look at how I contribute to those things or situations, and then I think about how I Want to contribute to those things or situations. Working with children is a passion of mine. For one thing, with the age group I'm working with now, they look up to you -- they think you're cool. I love hanging out with them and giving them my attention as they get excited and intrigued by your attention and company, but...

..Although there is this wide open opportunity to have all of these wonderful moments with the younger ones just laid out at my feet, sometimes work gets busy and those wonderful moments get lost forever. If a kid asks me to play a game with them and I can't because I am running around taking attendance for 50 kids and figuring out where they all are, I can't play the game with that kid. The thing is, after a while of teaching you learn skills like saying "Once I am done with this, I promise you it is the first thing I will do, we will play that game!". But, the part where I take for granted is that after I am flustered from being so busy at work and need a moment to myself, I'm sure I should be looking around the room and scoping out who I will go ahead and engage with for a little while. I take for granted these opportunities by taking a break, sometimes too long of a break to the point where I haven't had as much one on one time with the kids as I'd like. Or, a kid says "Bye Sara! Ill miss you this weekend" and I am so busy all I can quickly do is smile and say "You too!" as I quickly turn my back and refocus on whatever else I was doing. Instead of just easily waving a hand goodbye, I want to be grateful of the opportunity, say "Hey, wait!" give the kid a hug and say "I'm going to miss you so much this weekend, too!"

I am grateful for: love of all kinds; friends & family

when I think about why we are on this earth, I know one thing: 

Love Exists. That's enough to be happy about!

I am grateful for little things:

humor, my phone, my bed, my room, my itunes, my headphones,

iced coffee, my clothes, the beauty in the world, the general kindness of people, 

my favorite dress, my car, my education, my art and music, the sun, the flowers,

the heavy love I have for those who've passed, the stars, and my big beating heart.

I've always been grateful for the little things. I'm not saying I don't appreciate my car or the roof over my head. But, I've always been the type to center my feelings of gratitude towards little things like my coffee and my book. 

Gratitude for my family

One thing I have always wanted to do since I had moved out was spend more time with family. Have more nights that I spend with my mother helping her clean and go on errands and then relaxing while we watch a movie at the end of the night. I want to do more things with my sisters. I want to take them bowling, Id like to bring them on a ferry to an Island so we could spend all day exploring it. Id like to spend more time with my grandma whos husband just past away, taking her shopping, making her cards and enjoying movies with her. I want to do more of this for my family. I have so much love for them, but I don't get to show it as often as I like. For example, tonight my youngest sister, my mother and I drove off in my mothers new Audi blasting the song Bohemian Rhapsody.. It was an experience that we all enjoyed while we were Together, and we were all happy to have each other. 

the sun, my phone, my clothes, a cool breeze, family

sun shining brightly

feels so warm upon my skin

gets my endorphins flowing

phone in my pocket

phone in my pocket

you get me there securely

I play and I stay in touch

my clothes are pretty

I like having them around

colors, patterns, and styling

cool summer breezes

your wind blows all over me

perfect afternoon

I love family

They stand up so tall for me

Do their best for me

Fears, Assets, Obstacles

fears, assets, obstacles

When it comes to my inner fears, I think that mainly what I fear the most is that I will reach a certain age like the age of 65 and realize that I haven't done any of the things that I had dreamed of doing throughout my life. Helping the less fortunate, and using fashion to help the less fortunate are two things that I have been dreaming of doing since I was a very small child. I used to volunteer, when I was younger, and lived with my parents. It was easy to do things like volunteer back then because I didn't have work, school, and the financial stresses that I now have. I hope that somehow, I can find time to volunteer again, and think that it is probably very doable if I find the time to look into it and find a good fit. 

Another fear that I have, which I think is a fear that lies within the back of my mind, is that I will be 40 years old and still not completed college, have my own place, or be somewhat accepted by my peers. I live by the words of going my own path, not paying attention to the "American dream" and not worrying what others opinions are of me. But, I know that in the back of my mind, I do care what people think, maybe not as much as others-- but it is still there a little bit. Then, there are the other day fears like: Will I be able to make rent this month? What if I don't find time to complete my assignments? What if I can't find a second or third job soon? I am out of money, how will I pay for groceries?.. financial fears are always there, and I think that is true for the majority of people.

inspired by the fear of being average

An asset I have is that once I want or need something, mostly need, I find a way to get it done. When I first left my parents house and had no idea what I was going to do, I applied to a bunch of places for a job each day, and eventually found one. I have always been good at hunting down jobs. I hope to use this asset where I make things happen in order to find my place of helping people in the world. I feel like I am just so busy on the day to day spectrum, and then exhausted by the end of it that I procrastinate on doing things that aren't necessarily "required" at the moment. Thinking and writing about it, although I do have a lot going on at the moment, I really do hope to find time to be able to do something that gives back towards others in the very near future. One more asset that I enjoy having is that I believe that although it is important to recognize and address responsibilities, I think that an important part of life is about enjoying the moment, rather than just working and working and hoping that all of my hard work will somehow magically bring me to a place of happiness. I do believe that hard work is important, and I have seen how it can pay off. But, I also constantly remind myself that I need to also have fun, appreciate, and love the moment rather than just running around tackling to-do-lists all the time.

There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure- Paulo Coelho

I certainly have some obstacles, but thinking in the wide spectrum, they aren't as bad as they could be. For instance, I come from a nice, suburban town where most of my friends who I grew up with have parents who would pay for them to do whatever they wanted, or buy them whatever they wanted. I am not saying that all of my friends are a bunch of Paris Hiltons who have it all, but maybe just a bit more support than I do. I had to figure things out on my own, which is probably even a blessing in disguise. Not to say that my parents dont do anything at all for me, but sometimes I envy the advantages of some of my friends. All things considered though, I feel very lucky when I think about people with deadly diseases or people in such dire circumstances that they do not even have access to clean water. I feel very lucky and privileged to live in a country where you can literally get a clean glass of water for free from a Mcdonalds or Dunkin Donuts. But I wonder, why do some get to live like this and not others? I do have faith that in some unseen way things are fair in the bigger picture, at least I sure hope so!

 In addition to that obstacle, a big obstacle of mine is how I live my life. I have always been a huge procrastinator. I get distracted and feel the need to unwind. I've gotten a little better at it these past few years, but, I do need to work on teaching myself structure and the ability to put things that matter first instead of calling it a day and watching movies all night.

Money, money, money
You drive me insane
When I run out of you
I'm on a big worry train

I dream of my goals and I dream of my career
but without you, how can ever I get near?
A happy life? Hm maybe next year


I ache to help orphans, abused, and poor
But with God watching me, what is my score?
Have I failed this task? I'll have to ask
For some guidance, to break through from the mask

Forget beauty, money, and impressing others
I'm gonna find a way to help sisters and brothers
The people that need me, the people that need a mother

I was born for this, I'm gonna make it happen
No more procrastinatin' no more slackin'