Missions and Happieness

  i m   j u s t   a   g i r l   i n   a   b i g   b i g   w o r l d

In the beginning of my blog posts, I started to talk about how I wanted to have a career, but I also wanted to have a couple little side gigs in which helped those in poverty, disability, or sickness. After all of these blogs I have written, I am starting to get to the point where I am taking them seriously, and once the semester is over and I have a bit more free time, I plan on sketching and mapping out how to make these little projects work. 

Though now I am in school for education and am highly open to human services, I want to do something now. Sometimes I get the impulse to just hop on to a train, go into an urban neighborhood, and just start somehow handing out clothes, money, food, or even just my time. The problem is, I dont't have enough money. I know that I don't need money to make a difference, a simple conversation with somebody that is lonely could make a huge difference. 

Still, I start to feel as if I show up with only myself I will have nothing to offer. I want to approach homeless people, look at what they need. If they need sneakers, I will buy them a pair of sneakers, if they need blankets I will buy those. I have a notebook that is really helpful for me to get my ideas together as well as a book where people like me have told their stories about how they have helped people along the way. I want to read more. I want to get out there more. I don't want to just be going from work to my room everyday doing the same old routine. I want to be heard, seen, and make a difference. Now, I know all of this sounds corny. I could not explain why, I am completely ignorant to why this is, but for some reason I have a deep burning desire to help others. I want to see that kid with holes in their sneakers show me a big smile while they're laughing. I want to hand a struggling mother a 50$ gift card to a super-market. 

s t r e n g t h + c o u r a g e 

I want to help others. I have often been told by people that they "get a good vibe from me" or that "I am really nice". I believe them, when people have generally rude attitudes I can not comprehend why they would want to treat other people that way? I mean, I get that some people are old, disabled, feel badly about themselves or just have bad experiences that turn them cold and bitter. I haven't thought of it until writing it now, but maybe there is someway I could help those people find their balance and what makes them truly happy. 

When it comes to my talents, my major talents are art and fashion. I have a lot of street smarts. Not to brag, but a lot of the time when I am with my friends, say out in Boston or somewhere were we need to navigate, I am always the one leading the way, finding the maps, checking the bus or boat schedules. Reading the confusing maps to make sure we are on the right side of the train track and often correcting people. I am not to say that I am the most book smart person. I only found out this year that Washington DC was not in Maryland, it was its own place called "The District of Columbia" I was like.. Huh? I desire so badly to be more book smart, I love learning things. Today while I was driving, I thought to myself I wonder when people first started using last names, I'm guessing sometime very shortly after bible times, the reason why they would to it is obvious to most, though. Anyways, my true talents lie in art and in fashion, which I would love to go to school for, but am afraid I wont be able to make it each month without having to ask my mom, or even worse, a friend to lend money for living expenses. They say that its always good to go with what your best at, instead of what you think will pay the bills. Who knows, maybe some day I could be a popular or at least profitable fashion                                                                           company. I think I would be so good at that. 

 see the light inside of you 

It was strange, like Santiago I had a dream, in the dream I was in this place in Harvard Square. It was secret and it was under-ground. Something about the dream felt unusual, so I google mapped it. I saw that it was space open for rent, it looked like a really awesome spot to start a boutique. I know I would be so good at that, I know what people like, I know what different sizes of different people look for when they go into a store. But, I am in school for education basically because I don't want to be asking my parents for money when I am 45 years old. I get anxiety already about not making bills, at least in education I know I could afford to eat and have a place. I've been thinking a lot, though, about the whole "do what you're best at and all will prevail" thing. I've also been questioning my interest in education because as much as I love putting a smile on a childs face, I find myself being stressed out all of the time at work. My doctor was telling me of people who thought they were depressed, when in reality, it was just the environment they were in. Which I totally understand.. the whole rainy Washington vs sunny Florida thing, but I had never thought of it in a workplace setting. 

I think that what I should be doing, maybe with my extra time over the summer, is shadowing different jobs, seeing where I feel like I fit it. Seeing where I feel like I'd like to stay longer than I am even supposed to. Though, in America, a lot of people really do not like their jobs, they just do it because they feel obligated. I will never be one of those people. I truly believe that God or whatever is out there put us here to enjoy our time here and accomplish things. We all have meaning. We may not always know what the true meaning is, but it is there--which is called faith. All I know, is that God or the universe is going to help me help people as long as I help myself do it. I have such a strong feeling about it that I am certain. I have this fantasy of myself dancing with a bunch of children living in poverty at night with music (maybe even live African instruments) and a bunch of beautiful lights everywhere, just feeling the energy and knowing everything will be okay.

After reading the Alchemist I thought about how Santiago left Fatima to fulfill his personal legend. When I was in a relationship, I was scared to go on a mission trip. I think reading the Alchemist really may have changed me in a lot of ways. I think reading the alchemist has caused me to become more spontaneous. My fear about going to Africa is like thinking about the fact that I am an enormous amount of ocean away from home. I also hate airplanes, instant anxiety. But, something tells me that Africa would be sunny, flowery, and have birds chirping. My father is from Ghana and he is there right now, he travels there quite frequently, and wants me to come someday. I am afraid of flying, but after reading the Alchemist, I am down for the journey, you just gotta get up and do it! If I sit around my whole life thinking "Id like to do this or that" I'll miss out on so many experiences and opportunities. I could kind of picture myself being a teacher in Africa, having my own classroom in a small house shaped like building. Who knows!

When I am gone, I want to be remembered as a confident, passionate spirit who was never afraid of death and handled bad news with as much strength and faith as possible. I want to have accomplished when I die a lot of the projects that I have thought up and aspired to do. It would be very upsetting to me if I were to die and not accomplish any of those. I want people to remember be as a caring person who helped others including friends, family, and strangers. When people think of me, I want them to remember my jokes, my humor, and that I would have wanted them to keep a sense of humor no matter what is going on in their lives. I want people to remember my positivity and faith. I am the type of person who believes that life was given as a gift for us to enjoy. 

When I see people getting stressed out over little things it bothers me because I realize that in the end, when we are dead and gone, it is not worth it to throw a temper tantrum because somebody made your coffee the wrong way. I want people to relax, breathe, stop, take a second. I want people to just stop, take a second to appreciate all that we are surrounded by especially our family members. You know, at family gatherings sometimes it can be awkward and everyone can not wait to leave. I want people to try and make the most out of the souls in which they are sharing time with, instead of sitting on their iphones wanting to leave and get back to their normal lives. I find it quite important to cherish the small things. We may not have big houses, nice cars... but does any body just stop and think "You know what: I am thankful for my phone. I am thankful for my socks". There is so much around us to be thankful for, but people miss that because they're rushing around going to work or worrying about petty things. I am not trying to say that it is okay to show up late to a job everyday because in the end we will all die. I do believe in responsibility and versions of our best selves, but we also need to recognize and be grateful for all of the beauty we are surrounded by

 Little by little, situation by situation, I started shedding off people who weren't good for me. I started to actually enjoy the idea of my bed and a book. When I did this, I started to realize how much time I was wasting, especially when push came to shove and most of those people proved not to even be genuine friends, they were around when there was something in it for them. I want to start finding new friends who are friendly and reliable, especially girl friends. There is so much awkwardness left out of girl friendships. 

Another thing I've always wanted to do was model. I mean, what girl doesn't like getting dressed up? People say that I am too old for it now, but looking in the mirror I can see that I have that long tall skinny look that all other "fashion models" have. That would also be a dream come true, to be a model, and then have my own clothing line, and then my own charity! Wow! That sounds so perfect I almost want to go ahead and aim for that one. It includes everything that I want in life: fashion, dressing up, charities, art, and a better chance at having a voice to influence others. Writing that now, I think that would be my ultimate dream. Who knows, maybe I could be a model slash comedian. I do love comedy as well. 

Well it seems like I have so many ideas. Some ideas are ones that would take more work and networking than others, and others are small projects that could easily be done around the city I live in. I want to use this space to organize large and small projects. Large projects: Open Orphanage, Manage volunteer health workers and a newly built hospital, have events (dinners at fancy places with a lot of rich people) as fund raises. Build at least 20 clean water wells, create some sort of food system for those who are so hungry that they are skin and bones, help drug addicts (hand out cards for clinics)

Small projects: create speeches - one for parents of urban neighborhoods  do on how they should be interacting with children at home, and one for high school students. I want high school students to stop worrying so much about their images. I want to create videos that are really good and not like the old school videos that everyone just makes fun of. I want to go to urban cities and create meetings for abused women. I want to volunteer at a kitchen for homeless people. 

 d o  s m a l l   t h i n g s   w i t h   g r e a t   l o v e 

I have so many different ideas of what I want to do, but I don't want to overwhelm myself so that none of them get done. My counselor gave me some good advice, which was that I should make a list of two mandatory things that I need to do every day. Then, over time, I will have gotten things done instead of getting anxiety about the massive load and not getting anything done. I think that I will do is either choose one big project or two small projects a week, and take it from there. Over this summer, I hope to influence many people and take advantage of some extra time. 

epitaph

Sena was a dear daughter and friend

To help others, she would go to no end

In the middle of the night or just during the  day

To save another, she would go out of her way

She loved sweets, and she was sweet too

She would make you laugh when you were feeling blue

Sena made many creations art, stories, and songs

Looking towards the spring even during winters long

Giving children attention, although she was frazzled

She gave them her time, and she did not feel hassled

No matter the season, she always pushed through

She believed in the future, and paid attention to clues

She spoke of spirituality, the power of our souls

She valued her dreams, and saw them unfold

Feeling as if her legacy was to bring joy to others

She won’t be forgotten, like Sena, you won’t find another