fears, assets, obstacles
When it comes to my inner fears, I think that mainly what I fear the most is that I will reach a certain age like the age of 65 and realize that I haven't done any of the things that I had dreamed of doing throughout my life. Helping the less fortunate, and using fashion to help the less fortunate are two things that I have been dreaming of doing since I was a very small child. I used to volunteer, when I was younger, and lived with my parents. It was easy to do things like volunteer back then because I didn't have work, school, and the financial stresses that I now have. I hope that somehow, I can find time to volunteer again, and think that it is probably very doable if I find the time to look into it and find a good fit.
Another fear that I have, which I think is a fear that lies within the back of my mind, is that I will be 40 years old and still not completed college, have my own place, or be somewhat accepted by my peers. I live by the words of going my own path, not paying attention to the "American dream" and not worrying what others opinions are of me. But, I know that in the back of my mind, I do care what people think, maybe not as much as others-- but it is still there a little bit. Then, there are the other day fears like: Will I be able to make rent this month? What if I don't find time to complete my assignments? What if I can't find a second or third job soon? I am out of money, how will I pay for groceries?.. financial fears are always there, and I think that is true for the majority of people.
inspired by the fear of being average
An asset I have is that once I want or need something, mostly need, I find a way to get it done. When I first left my parents house and had no idea what I was going to do, I applied to a bunch of places for a job each day, and eventually found one. I have always been good at hunting down jobs. I hope to use this asset where I make things happen in order to find my place of helping people in the world. I feel like I am just so busy on the day to day spectrum, and then exhausted by the end of it that I procrastinate on doing things that aren't necessarily "required" at the moment. Thinking and writing about it, although I do have a lot going on at the moment, I really do hope to find time to be able to do something that gives back towards others in the very near future. One more asset that I enjoy having is that I believe that although it is important to recognize and address responsibilities, I think that an important part of life is about enjoying the moment, rather than just working and working and hoping that all of my hard work will somehow magically bring me to a place of happiness. I do believe that hard work is important, and I have seen how it can pay off. But, I also constantly remind myself that I need to also have fun, appreciate, and love the moment rather than just running around tackling to-do-lists all the time.
There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure- Paulo Coelho
I certainly have some obstacles, but thinking in the wide spectrum, they aren't as bad as they could be. For instance, I come from a nice, suburban town where most of my friends who I grew up with have parents who would pay for them to do whatever they wanted, or buy them whatever they wanted. I am not saying that all of my friends are a bunch of Paris Hiltons who have it all, but maybe just a bit more support than I do. I had to figure things out on my own, which is probably even a blessing in disguise. Not to say that my parents dont do anything at all for me, but sometimes I envy the advantages of some of my friends. All things considered though, I feel very lucky when I think about people with deadly diseases or people in such dire circumstances that they do not even have access to clean water. I feel very lucky and privileged to live in a country where you can literally get a clean glass of water for free from a Mcdonalds or Dunkin Donuts. But I wonder, why do some get to live like this and not others? I do have faith that in some unseen way things are fair in the bigger picture, at least I sure hope so!
In addition to that obstacle, a big obstacle of mine is how I live my life. I have always been a huge procrastinator. I get distracted and feel the need to unwind. I've gotten a little better at it these past few years, but, I do need to work on teaching myself structure and the ability to put things that matter first instead of calling it a day and watching movies all night.
Money, money, money
You drive me insane
When I run out of you
I'm on a big worry train
I dream of my goals and I dream of my career
but without you, how can ever I get near?A happy life? Hm maybe next year
I ache to help orphans, abused, and poor
But with God watching me, what is my score?
Have I failed this task? I'll have to ask
For some guidance, to break through from the mask
Forget beauty, money, and impressing others
I'm gonna find a way to help sisters and brothers
The people that need me, the people that need a mother
I was born for this, I'm gonna make it happen
No more procrastinatin' no more slackin'
Sena,
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Your writing is clear and honest. I wish you were able to complete this post, on time, with the others, but I am glad that you are trying to hang in there with the rest.
Your fear about money is very real and very common. Month to month is a tough way to live, but many people do. I think that you are right to see that one of your assets is the ability to find more work. Maybe a second job would help? Somehow saving more? Anyhow, not having money is a difficult fear, because it can be a fear that attacks us every day.
Don't let it get to you too much.
I used have a fear of money (or it's lack of), and this is something that I have to keep working on. Again, I think that simple faith that you'll always have what you need (maybe not always what you want) is a great fact that can combat this fear.
With good friends, good family, and free water from Dunkin Donuts, you'll likely not hit the financial bottom.
Your post this week is good, but I need you to keep up with the class. We have just 4 weeks left, so I'd prefer you jump back up to the rest of us and compete the most current week.
Glad to see you're still out there - trying to get your work done.
GR: 75 (-25 several weeks late)