Empowering myself

 No more mess ups. I've learned my lessons, I want to take my dreams and make them mine.

In my life, especially during high school, I was a huge procrastinator. My priorities were my friends, and how I was going to have fun that day. I didn't take a second to think that I should be preparing for my future, like a lot of my other friends had apparently done. After a few years of living at home prior to graduating high school, I was actually forced to move out of my parents house. Now, I have my own place (I live in a house with roommates), a job that I love, my own car, and I am in school part time. I got all of these things on my own, by making phone calls, making emails ect, taking chances when I felt too nervous to do things like go to an interview. I discovered my own power by sort of learning how to be a go getter, instead of just applying for a few jobs and waiting around, I made phone calls and tracked people down like a mad woman. When I saw an opportunity I went after it and gave it my all. It was very good for me to discover this power because I don’t have the type of family that will do these things for me. But, I wouldn’t feel right ending this paragraph without giving my mother credit for all that she has done for me, she has helped me a lot. 

"Your wings already exist,

 you just have to find a way to fly"

A moment in my life when I lost power was when I invested too much of my feelings into the person that I was dating. If he made a comment about me not doing well enough, I felt I wasn't good enough. The relationship was semi verbally abusive because I know I did not deserve to be punished in the ways in which I was because of little things. But, I let the fact that my boyfriend was not pleased with me make me feel like I wasn't good enough. This was a moment of weakness in my life because I based my feelings completely on what one single person had to say about me, a person with very high expectations and a person who doesn't understand what it’s like to have to do everything on your own with no help. I felt belittled, I felt like i wasn't good enough, and intimidated by other women who seemed to have it all together. I am just recently learning that it is true, when you want to make changes, you have to do it for yourself, and not for anyone else, or else you'll get messed up somewhere along the way.

When it comes to strengthening my power, things like going for a jog and listening to music is probably one of the most empowering things I can do. When I am working out my body, and enjoying the music, it is an incredible mix of making me think about future inspirations as well as helping the endorphins in my brain to feel motivated and happy Also, for some reason, when I stay up late at night I seem to think of ideas of what I want to do with my future. I feel the most clear headed when I am alone and I have time to think. I feel like when I cut friends out like turning off my phone so that I can focus on myself, I am able to best focus on what is healthy for me. My boyfriend always tells me that I should use my calender and notes on my phone but for some reason I love pens and notebooks, there is something special and intriguing about them to me, they allow me to brainstorm ideas and make to do lists. I have a habit of being bored at home and getting stir crazy and feeling like I need to get out of the house. With that said, I go out too much on weeknights. When I can actually control myself and stay in, I wake up so happy knowing that I saved my money and got a good nights rest as well as getting other things done. I keep saying I am going to, and I really want to.. but I want to start doing things like: yoga, meditation, healthy eating, photography, more artwork, model and acting gigs, volunteering, learning acoustic guitar, also my friend and I wanted to make our own cleaning business. 

Pray, Be Patient, Work Hard.

When I was a limitless child it was all about fun

Where could I find friends my age? Could I make friends with them?

I want to be part of their lives, I want to be special to them

and we will have so much fun playing together

Wreckless, crazy and loud: I loved to make people laugh

I was going to be an actress, a pretty one

I was going to get the nicest clothes, I would be the prettiest girl in school

And when I grew up, like way into the future, a time so far from now

I would be an actress, everyone would know me

I would be rich, and I would use the money to help those people

Those poor people I saw on the TV that day that changed my life

How could there be little children with no clothes, no food, and no home?

I will find a way to help them. I don't want to see anymore children

crying, on the dirty streets with no shirts on. 

I wanted to cry, I wanted to help them now

But how could I get to them? And even if I gave them the 

food I had, it wouldn't be enough last them forever

Oh, a homeless shelter, where children can come from other

countries and live there. Like a big mansion where they can 

all live, and I will find a way to take care of them.

But today, Im getting jealous of the girl with the Barbie jeep, 

I always wanted one of those.

Definitely what it looked like inside my head as a child!

Since I hope to work in an Urban school as a teacher, I love this lyric in the song "I can" by Nas

"Nobody says you have to be gangstas, ho*s, read more, learn more change the globe"